the lesbian rebirth journey came to me as an accident, a genuine thought concantenation that unravelled itself in my bedroom somewhere between my stereo, my mind, the things i had been reading and the things i had experienced coalescing, par excellence.

i have conducted Kate Bush's 'Ninth Wave' as a lesbian rebirth journey three times in public, although how many times i have done this alone i could not possibly assemble in numbers.

the first time i did the rebirth journey was in London, May 2006 at the Closet Mixxtape, organised by d.i.y queer feminist collective the bakery. The event was inspired by the coming to town of ironic celebrantes of lesbian culture Lesbians on Ecstasy and this galvanised the collective, and N J in particular, into putting on a show.


I asked NJ, one of the main organisers, why it was important to put on an event celebrating lesbian culture in a queer subcultural context the often shuns, or at least takes an ironic distance from, 'the lesbian.' She said

'lezzie bands and singers have meant alot to a lot of people over the years. I was a lonely teenage lesbian. I listened to Ani Difranco and Tami Hart and cried. So did loads of other people. Joan Armatrading, Alix Dobkin, Melissa Etheridge... they often get overlooked in a queer context but actually most of our queer community has come through a period of claiming lesbian identity. I wanted to highlight that and celebrate the records that saved us when we were in the closet or just coming out....I think I wanted to take what other people made fun of - folk music, mullets, sing alongs, really really lezzie workshops and have those all in the same space. I think I wanted a consiously 'uncool' and dorky event. I think the queer community can sometimes get a bit too cool for its boots and people find it hard to be themselves which is totally ironic. I thought that if we all sang along to Closer to Fine or View from Gayhead we'd find we were on equal footing again. Everyone loves a bit of Joan Armatrading and she is a totally essential part of our British queer heritage so we shouldnt forget that.'

The Closet Mixxtape was an important day that offered a considered return to the role the lesbian plays in queer life. How it is re-defined in our current cultural context is nicely summed up in our extra verse to 'View from Gayhead'  that we wrote on the day.

Lesbians since the 70s tend to see things a little differently
we're aware of the struggles of our sisters then
we even want to fuck men
nowadays you can do almostanythingyoulike if you're a lesbian
lesbian, living in no man's land, lesbian, lesbian, any person can be a lesbian...

i met some interesting lesbos on the way through the journey too.

 the first of these was Allyson Mitchell, whose giant textile monsters and deep lez theory are well worth your eyes passing over... http://www.allysonmitchell.com/

important lesbo icons attended the journey at the closet mixxtape, like Charlotte Cooper www.charlottecooper.net and emma hedditch, www.andiwilldo.net, who enjoyed the journey so much she invited me to do the journey again at local operations at the Serpentine Gallery in June 2007, http://www.serpentinegallery.org/2007/04/local_operations23_may_1_july.html.

at this version of the journey it became more public ritual, as we all joined hands and denounced compulsory heterosexuality three times at the journey's close.

oh and my parent's came & it was in pseud's corner in private eye. someone made a tenner out of it!



the last time i led the lesbian rebirth journey was at the Lesbian Lives XV conference in Dublin, February 2008.

the journey was positioned at the challenging time of 9.30am. still there was jigging to 'waking the witch' (the 'authentic' irish experience) and at least one confirmed convert to lesbianism after the workshop had finished.

People didn't quite know what to expect - would there be holotropic breathing, breaking of waters? The organisers forgot to frame my workshop with my words that brought irony & humour into the frame (just like how private eye thought i was being serious). Perhaps lesbian rebirth journeys are somewhere between the two, creating whole new spaces of confusion for those that dare to participate.

At LL my interpretation of 'The Ninth Wave' was rightly pulled up by Kay Inkcle (who led a rather wonderful workshop on polyamory earlier in the weekend) for its hetero-normative enclosure that situates the journey's completion within the bosom of family acceptance - the light, resplendent refrains of 'The Morning Fog' that celebrates the love of parents and family as the journeyer 'returns.' Perhaps my reading in this way says more about my desire for my lesbianism to be accepted by family, thus not be subject to  the continuing secrecy and shame that has plagued many an odd, perpetually 'single' auntie in my family (and yours too, no doubt).

Where now for the lesbian rebirth journey? i'm hoping for a trans-atlantic occasion one day, but equally i'd be happy if it was put to rest. i've learnt so much from what was just a fleeting thought.

may many more come my way.